Words

Words fail me
I’m so disappointed in them
They cannot describe
The depths of my sorrow
Which from my heart stems

Everyday I must face
My grief and the world
While armed with no words
To make others understand
Truth and reality unfurled

Isolated from other mothers
I will always be
Stripped naked of my naïveté
Full of fear and doubt
Because the future I cannot foresee

Broken-hearted, empty-souled
Mind and body ravaged
This is now the life I lead
With no language to bear witness
My happiness and hope savaged

- Your mommy, Rachel Simon

The New Normal

This is the new normal
Where it’s normal to cry
It’s normal to be depressed
It’s normal to want to die

This is the new normal
Where it’s normal to think the worst
It’s normal to be anxious
It’s normal to think I’m cursed

This is the new normal
Where it’s normal to be sad
It’s normal to be scared
It’s normal to be mad

This is the new normal
Where it’s normal to not care
It’s normal to be tired
It’s normal to be impaired

This is the new normal
Where it’s normal to be annoyed
It’s normal to put on a front
It’s normal to feel destroyed

This is the new normal
Where it’s normal to be numb
It’s normal to be avoided
It’s normal to have no fun

This is the new normal
Where it’s normal to hide my feelings
It’s normal to blame myself
It’s normal to be healing

Welcome to my new normal

Angry

Today’s an angry day
Today I hate the world
Nothing you say matters
I’ve lost my little girl

I don’t wanna hear your gossip
I don’t wanna hear your problems
Unlike my trials and tribulations
There’s a way for you to solve ‘em

I don’t wanna eat right now
No, I won’t drink that water either
Just let me stew alone for once
To come out of this damn ether

I don’t care that it’s a beautiful day
I don’t wanna walk outside
I just want to lie in my dark room
All I wanna do is hide

It will not be ok
I’m not going to move on
You should think before you talk
‘Cos all your saying’s wrong

I don’t have to give it time
It’s not going to get better
Don’t say she’s in a happier place
You’ve never even met her

It didn’t happen for a reason
There’s nothing learned from this
Don’t you see it’s taking everything
Just to make sure I persist

I didn’t lose a parent or sibling
So don’t compare your loss
For you to claim it is the same
Makes me so damn cross

I didn’t ask your opinion
I don’t care about your feelings
Even though it’s been 10 months
I find myself still reeling

Don’t be mad at me
‘Cos I won’t listen to your crap
I’ve got this constant struggle
To wiggle out of this damn trap

Away with your pregnant belly
Don’t rub your babies in my face
Don’t gloat about your pregnancy
I might put you in your place

I told you I was angry
I warned you from the start
It’s hard to be a childless mother
To live life with a shattered heart

Note: This poem came from that dark place lingering inside of me. It’s a good thing I only let it out constructively! For those reading this who have never experienced the loss of a child, please don’t take it personally. I know I need to live life by making small talk, gossiping, connecting with people, in short, dealing with the facets of everyday life. But there are times, like today, in which it feels too mundane. Enter poetry.