Shiloh Bear

A big thank you to the wonderful angel mamas at Molly Bears. I finally got my Shiloh Bear last month after having waited for over a year. She weighs exactly what Shiloh weighed when she was born- 6lbs, 5 oz. Feeling her weight in my arms again brought me to tears. No surprise there. When I had Shalom, I thought I was going to be so distracted that I wouldn't have time to cry and to think about all the things that I was missing out on with Shiloh. How wrong I was. I find myself crying quite a bit lately (it's gotten easier to push the pain away, so I haven't allowed myself to cry as much over the last 2 years) and of course, I still think about her constantly. There isn't a day that goes by where she isn't in some small way, incorporated into my thoughts or 'functions'. Is it possible to miss her even more? I hadn't thought so until now...

I love this photo of Shalom sleeping with her hand on Shiloh Bear. I just wish it were the real thing.

Big sister

Things have been crazy around the Simon residence lately (for the obvious reasons!) and I feel like I haven't really and truly been able to dedicate time to my angel baby Shi and to thank her (and my dad) for this wonderful gift she's given us. 

I know you have watched, and continue to watch, so carefully over your little sister, Shi, and I feel so grateful to have your strong presence in this way, especially if I can't have you here on earth with me. You are so, so missed, as much as, or even more than (if that's possible!) the day we found out your heart no longer beat with mine. Know that you are talked about every single day. Know that you will continue to live on through not only me, daddy and other people's lives you've touched, but also through your little sister and all of your future siblings. Shalom will know exactly who you are, and she will know just how much you mean to us. She will know that her safe arrival was guided by the hands of her big sister and her grandpa. And she will celebrate your brief, but meaningful life, everyday, just as we do. 

We love you so much, Shi. Nobody will ever replace you or the immense love we feel for you. You are forever our first child, our exquisite angel. 

My loves

This says it all. I wish her big sis Shi were here to smile along with her. My beautiful daughters...

Likeness

Shalom is starting to open her eyes more frequently. She is so gorgeous. 

But, I can't get over the fact that Shalom is the spitting image of her big sister, Shiloh. The resemblance is uncanny. I love that every time I look at Shally, I also think of Shi.

Baby Shalom

Andreas and I are delighted to announce the safe arrival of Shiloh's baby sister

Shalom Eve Simon

November 7, 2010 at 6.36 pm

5 pounds, 3 ounces

18.5 inches long

Shalom was born prematurely at 35 weeks, 2 days due to low fluid levels. She currently resides in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit with minor respiration issues (due to prematurity), but we hope to bring her home by the end of next week.

Shalom (שָׁלוֹם)- a Hebrew word meaning peace, completeness, health, prosperity, and welfare, or safety of an individual. It encapsulates a reality and hope of wholeness for the individual.

Modern Dog Magazine Photo Contest

Please vote for our care Bear -here-. He deserves some recognition for being our savior/Shiloh Bear!

Shiloh's 2nd Birthday

Andreas celebrated Shi’s 2nd birthday in a speccy Barcelona park


This day has come so swiftly

Snuck up on me once again
Everyday you’re gone, an eternity

Yet it feels like just yesterday

I wish you were here with me, Shiloh

To blow out these two pink candles

And fill my heart with love, not sadness

To be on earth, instead of just my angel

I love you sweet baby

Happy second birthday 

Shiloh's Candles- Infant Loss Remembrance Day Collage

Here's the collage of all the candles lit in memory of sweet Shiloh (and too many other angel babies) for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (Oct 15th). The week of Oct 15 is to remember all babies born sleeping, those we have carried but never met, those we have held but could not take home, and those that came home, but didn't stay. 

Thank you to everyone who remembered to light a candle and take a photo of it! I absolutely love having these constant reminders that Shi has touched so many peoples' lives.

This year, I received candle photos from all over California (SD, SB, LA, SF, Berkeley, Monterey), Utah, Ohio, Alabama, New York, Hawaii, Australia, The Netherlands and Germany. If you still have a photo that you haven't emailed to me, please feel free to do so- I will add it into the collage!

And, if you'd like to check out last year's collage, please click here.

My trooper, Bear

An entire day in a cat cage at the vet.

General anesthesia.

4 teeth gone.

Other teeth cleaned.

Down to the root.

Shaved leg patches for IVs.

A catheter.
A swollen face.

A bruised ego.

A broken heart.

Copious pain.

Indefatigable moaning.

He truly is a Simon.

Overcoming adversity is our motto.

Happy Chrismukkah (English)/Frohe Weinukkah (Deutsch)

This year Andreas, Bear, angel baby Shiloh and I created a new tradition. We celebrated a combination of Christmas, the German way, and Hanukkah, the NY Jew way (appropriately deemed Chrismukkah, or in German, Weinukkah; from "Weinachten"). Neither of us were/are feeling particularly merry this holiday season, but decided that we should "celebrate" the fact that we have each other for support through these incredibly rough times. So, we unwrapped presents on the eve of the 24th (as per German tradition), in front of our first Weinukkah tree as a family. It was and continues to be very festive. Our two menorahs sat ablaze on the coffee table (even though Hanukkah ended on the 18th!), across from my adorable dreidel lights (thanks ma!). Our chockers puff paint stockings (courtesy of moi- Rachie) dangle from the wall, along with the lebkuchen heart Andreas gave to me on our very first Christmas together in 2001 (yes, I didn't eat it, I kept it- I'm sentimental!). That was my first encounter with a German Christmas dinner- a big fat DUCK from Oma’s sister’s farm!!! Lecker (yummy)! Our little noble fir is decked out with shiny balls, beads, candy canes, heaps of angels, and of course, photos of our loved ones- Shiloh baby, my daddy, and Bear, our lil' stinker! Santa Bears even paid us a visit!!! We are hoping and praying that 2010 is a year of only happiness, health, wealth, success and multiple siblings for Shiloh. 2010 has to be a better year... it just has to.

Cerveza

Right now, Andreas, my husband, is teaching an MBA course at a university in Barcelona. This is the first time since Shiloh was born that we've spent more than just a few days apart. It's been very hard being separated, but also good for our personal healing and growth. Here's a poem that Andreas wrote yesterday (during dinner!). He says "This is a poem going forward, not just holding onto the pain. A poem to the next baby, by acknowledging Shiloh as part of it. This is what I want for us. This is what we need to heal now. A different attitude. Accepting where the pain comes from now and working on it." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am sitting here with a Spanish beer and I try to dream a common theme, how would it be if you were here.

The dream is easy at the start, I would love you with all my heart. And I would do it all over again, paint the room and buy the playpen.

Yet, there is a point that is hard to cross. Your birthing process, such a loss. All the sudden it is only pain, will it be a loss again?

I had to learn there is no guarantee. You never know when you get stung by a bee. But the bee also brings pollen to flowers, and maybe you will soon be ours.

I feel I have the strength again, to love you here and Shiloh in heaven. Mommy, daddy, Shiloh and Bear are ready for you. Dream of ours, I know you will come true. 

Shiloh's First Birthday Celebration- Photos

Shiloh's birthday cake (Photo courtesy of Kristen Papac)

I've posted the first batch of photos from Shiloh's first birthday celebration, on her memorial website:
  

http://thenewsimons.com/Site/First_Birthday_Celebration.html

Thanks to all of you amazing people for being there for me and Andreas on Shiloh's special day. Love to you all! Xoxo 

Shiloh's First Birthday Celebration

Here’s a short video of Shiloh’s celebration, made by my lovely friend Sara Koch.

On Saturday, November 7^th, a select group of local people who’ve played an integral part in my and Andreas’s healing since Shiloh was born, came together on Butterfly Beach to celebrate her first birthday (Oct 28^th). It was an incredibly meaningful and emotional day for us. It was absolutely perfect in every way and the balloon launch went off without a hitch. We met at the beach at 3.30 pm, talked, cried, drank coffee, ate white chocolate raspberry birthday cake, wrote little notes to Shiloh and all the other angel babies on CA seed paper (so when the balloons burst the seed paper falls back to the earth to bloom into all the beautiful plants and flowers that often remind us of Shiloh), and sent 30 balloons towards the heavens with our whispers to angel Shiloh inside as we watched the sunset. It was magical. The most amazing part was watching the balloons form and hold an “S” for a whole 5 minutes as they floated higher and higher. I’m almost positive someone has a photo of this (to be posted!). I’ll have to make this number 8 on my list of “Strange Happenings”. It was breathtaking and I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day to celebrate the brief life of my stunning angel. 


Shiloh, you are sorely missed, but you will remain in our hearts and minds for all eternity. I love you so.

My birthday!

Today was my 28th birthday (gawd I'm getting up there...). It was fun, for the most part. Andreas and I got up early to have a nice brekky at Sambos downtown. We walked around a bit afterwards, as Andreas was very eager to buy me a little birthday something. He kept saying how extremely generous he was feeling, as I continually kept rejecting the idea of a birthday present (no, I am not insane thank you- the reason being we still have lots of baby stuff to get and have already spent a small fortune!). However, I got a surprise. We came back to the car to find a birthday parking ticket in our window (this was the not-so-fun part, if you haven't deduced- I also had to work for 4 hours, which didn't help!). So, if I didn't want a birthday present before, I REALLY don't want one now! I can't think of a bigger waste of $41. Anyhow, I couldn't tear Andreas's thoughts away from at least treating me to a nice dinner; so we went back to our favourite steak house- Ruth Chris. Again, if you haven't been- please do the world a favour, and go! It's yummy. They also gave me an amazing chocolate explosion cake for birthday dessert, loaded with vanilla ice cream, injected with oozing chocolate ganache and drizzled in caramel. Need I say more?

SD Baby Shower

The San Diego baby shower and baby shower BBQ were a hit! We all had so much fun, and got awesome AND practical baby gifts! Kudos to Mom, Jenn, Karen and Sari for putting on such a wonderful celebration for girly baby Simon and thanks so much to all of those that came for the thoughtful presents. Now we just have to fit them all in our tiny apartment! I'm certainly looking forward to that "nesting" instinct kicking in in a few weeks!!!

For more baby shower photos, please go to the our Picasa Album.

US Independence Day!

The 4th of July- a great holiday spent with the family.

San Diego- the Gap fire escape!

Ignorance is bliss. While Goleta was in flames, Andreas and I spent a week+ in San Diego. Apart from racing Supermario Karts through Moo Moo Meadows, we spent most of our time with the family. We celebrated my sister Jenn's 36th birthday on the Bahia Belle (cruise around Mission Bay), as well as the 4th of July at Adam's posh apartment, watching the beautiful fireworks.

Prince or Princess?

I'll cut to the chase- IT'S A GIRL!!!! We had our appointment with the perinatologist this morning and he confirmed my suspicion. We even saw the girly goods- the view we had of her goods was, and I quote the doctor, "as if she were sitting on a glass coffee table". Too funny. You can check out the ultrasound printout of her goods, labeled with a tiny, white arrow (first pic)! Yea... I couldn't see it either. We also have a 2-D photo of the bottom of her foot (second pic) and three 3-D photos of her face and leg (third pic). I must admit, I've seen better ultrasound snapshots, but I'm just glad that she's healthy.

Next step... choosing a name!

San Diego for Jay's 30th Birthday

San Diego, CA (Feb 2008)- Andreas and I went down to San Diego for the weekend to celebrate my brother Jason's 30th birthday. He rented out a room at this great little wine place in Hillcrest called Wine Steals. We thought it was also a "coming out" party (Hillcrest is the gay district of SD), but it turns out that it was the polar opposite, in fact, he invited 1 of his 4 girlfriends!!! We also celebrated too early on Sunday morning by going to the yummy buffet brunch at the oceanfront restaurant at the Hotel Del Coronado. Finally, we are all together and are able to update our 6-year old family photos!!! As usual, we thoroughly enjoyed spending time with the family and look forward to our next excursion to SD.

Deutschland (Gerrrrr-ma-ny)

Berlin and Thüringen, GE (Dec 19, 2007- Jan 4, 2008)- Pack die Badehose ein, nimm dein kleines Schwesterlein, und nichts wie auf nach Berlin. Actually, it wasn't the swimsuit we packed, but the heavy snow jackets and long johns. After not having been back in 4.5 years, we spent two frigid weeks in Andreas' hometown of Berlin. Although it is still as gray and as cold in the winter as we remembered it, with bratwurst in our bellies and glüwein warming our throats even the harshest of Siberian winds felt like a warm breeze on a tropical island. Let's be fair- we had a great time with Andreas' family and catching up with old friends. Here's the lowdown: Getting hammered with Andreas' PhD supervisor (and wife!) at the Christmas Markets, being lost in the plot of a ballet (I didn't see any nutcrackers, did you?!?), being overfed by the über-zealous German mutter (mom), getting educated the hard way about alternative energy and German efficiency (did we really have to climb up a modern 100 meter windmill in -6 degrees Celcius?), getting a crash course in German history at the Wartburg fortress in Thüringen (did you know that the first Christmas tree was brought into a home by a German, Martin Luther, who just happened to be the first to translate the Bible from Greek to German?), understanding the secrets to successful mating in the Jewish museum (your future love must show proof of her wealth before you take her out on a date- check out our snapfish photos of the "Modern J-Date"), and amongst a thousand other things, leaving the days of college drinking behind playing "Mensch, ärger dich nicht!" ("Man, don't get pissed off"- a game consisting of drinking a bottle of champagne each, etc. tailored to the occasion, of course) on New Years with a bunch of random, but roudy Germans. Bis zum nächsten mal. Ick stehe uf Berlin, eh.