Sunday, December 6, 2009


Right now, Andreas, my husband, is teaching an MBA course at a university in Barcelona. This is the first time since Shiloh was born that we've spent more than just a few days apart. It's been very hard being separated, but also good for our personal healing and growth. Here's a poem that Andreas wrote yesterday (during dinner!). He says "This is a poem going forward, not just holding onto the pain. A poem to the next baby, by acknowledging Shiloh as part of it. This is what I want for us. This is what we need to heal now. A different attitude. Accepting where the pain comes from now and working on it." 
I am sitting here with a Spanish beer and I try to dream a common theme, how would it be if you were here.
The dream is easy at the start, I would love you with all my heart. And I would do it all over again, paint the room and buy the playpen.
Yet, there is a point that is hard to cross. Your birthing process, such a loss. All the sudden it is only pain, will it be a loss again?
I had to learn there is no guarantee. You never know when you get stung by a bee. But the bee also brings pollen to flowers, and maybe you will soon be ours.
I feel I have the strength again, to love you here and Shiloh in heaven. Mommy, daddy, Shiloh and Bear are ready for you. Dream of ours, I know you will come true. 


Emily said...

Rachel--I am so impressed that you can recognize some good in being temporarily separated from your love/companion.

Andreas--powerful writing, you have such an open-heart. Your bee metaphor is so fitting.

Jill said...

Beautiful writing!

Kiki said...

Get ready that baby is coming...this is the space I was talking about!!!
A wonderful poem :)