Letter to Shiloh, from Allison

My close babylost mamas: Allison, Heather (Lily’s mom) and Pia (Sam’s mum). We all met up in Santa Barbara one weekend.

This letter was written by my closest babylost mama, Allison, mommy to Christian, who is currently pregnant with Christian’s brother. She knows how much I’d love to be blessed with a sibling for Shiloh, so the letter hits home. It was the best birthday present ever- so thoughtful and so touching. 

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Dearest baby girl Shiloh,

I wanted to write you this letter to ask you for a favor. First of all, I am sure you know this, but you have touched so many lives around you, and you are so desperately missed. I know your mommy longs for you, and her heart has been broken. She wanted so desperately to change your diapers, to breastfeed you, to look into your beautiful eyes and to smile at your precious little giggles. She envisioned so much for you, and well, now her life consists of trying to get through the days without you, the love of her life. I know your father couldn’t wait to see you on a little surf board, couldn’t wait to protect you… so many dreams lost by your much too soon departure, but yet so many souls have been touched forever by the magnitude of your presence. I am so grateful to have met your mom. She is such a wonderful and warm person, as you know. I wish she and I didn’t have to meet the way we did. I wish that I had never met her, and she had never met me, if it could mean that you were alive and well in her arms, and my baby boy Christian was alive and well in mine. Sometimes I daydream that you and Christian are playing together, and watching over your mommy and me. We had so many plans and dreams to be mothers to the two most precious babies ever to exist, and now we are just counting down the days until we are with you two again, this I know. 

I also know that your nursery, that was prepared out of joy and expectation of your arrival sits empty. I also know that your mother longs to hold a baby in her arms, and to care for it the way she wanted to care for you. Her arms are empty, her heart is aching, and even though you will always be her first-born exquisite angel, she desperately wants a sibling for you to protect from the skies. So Shiloh, I am asking you to send her a tiny little miracle, to help restore her hope, and to give her an ounce of joy back into her life. I know you are a very special little girl, and I ask you to please give her peace and comfort, and to truly give her the strength to smile again. You are an amazing little angel, almost a year old now, and I wish that I had gotten a chance to meet you. I wish that Christian and I had gotten to attend your first birthday party, here on earth. I know that Shiloh means “His Gift”. Thank you for the gift of your mommy’s friendship- I am so blessed to have found her and to have her comfort through these trying days. I feel like I know your beautiful soul through the love and warmth and support of your mother, and when I look into her eyes, I know you live on. 

      

Sending you sweet kisses precious child, and please tell my son that I love him and miss him desperately. 

Love,

Allison- Christian’s mommy