Thursday, March 26, 2009

Not a baby anymore

Shiloh baby-

In our attempt to heal ‘better’ (I suppose), daddy and I have been doing craniosacral therapy with Rita through Santa Barbara Hospice. I can’t say that I really believed in these alternative healing therapies before, but now that I have tried it, I find it amazing. Even if I don’t exactly feel the redistribution or equalization of energy in my body, I am always relaxed, sometimes so much so that I fall asleep. To feel relaxed nowadays is not something so easily accomplished for me, and so I grasp at any offer of peaceful moments. But today was even more special for me because I had the chance to see you, through daddy, as an older child. I’ve heard many times that babies grow up faster in heaven then they do here on earth- this was my proof. The first thing I asked, when he told me he got to see you today in his session, was if you were happy. He said that you had a big smile on your face. I will take this as a yes, and for this, I am so thankful. Here is what he told me:

You were about 9 years old. You were wearing a little dress, had your blonde/brown, long hair in a ponytail, and you had a tooth missing in the front because he could see the gap when you smiled. You looked a lot like me, but had a bit harsher features, still feminine, but more a mixture of daddy’s and mine. You were skipping in a field where one would normally find wild horses. He said that you went to a chopped down, hollowed out tree where water was collected and washed your hands in it. He said that he knew you could feel us there because I was the wind, playing with your hair, and daddy’s reflection was in the water in which you washed your hands. And… there was an older man sitting on the porch of an old farmhouse in the field, watching over you.

Daddy said he couldn’t see clearly who this was, but I already know. This was grandpa, my daddy. I’m so happy that you’ve found each other and are looking after each other. My heart is so filled with sorrow that I do not have you both here with me on earth, but knowing that you are together makes my pain just a little more tolerable. I will love you until the end of time Shiloh; heavenly or earthly, you are forever my first child.