Shiloh Bear

A big thank you to the wonderful angel mamas at Molly Bears. I finally got my Shiloh Bear last month after having waited for over a year. She weighs exactly what Shiloh weighed when she was born- 6lbs, 5 oz. Feeling her weight in my arms again brought me to tears. No surprise there. When I had Shalom, I thought I was going to be so distracted that I wouldn't have time to cry and to think about all the things that I was missing out on with Shiloh. How wrong I was. I find myself crying quite a bit lately (it's gotten easier to push the pain away, so I haven't allowed myself to cry as much over the last 2 years) and of course, I still think about her constantly. There isn't a day that goes by where she isn't in some small way, incorporated into my thoughts or 'functions'. Is it possible to miss her even more? I hadn't thought so until now...

I love this photo of Shalom sleeping with her hand on Shiloh Bear. I just wish it were the real thing.

International Babylost Mother's Day

Everyone knows that May 8, 2011 is Mother's Day. But did you know that May 1, 2011 is International Babylost Mother's Day? This day is to recognize women all over the world that have lost children as mothers. This is a day for remembrance."United in grief, we find love and strength." Please repost to show support. ♥For Shiloh Jayden, my exquisite angel, born sleeping on 10.28.08♥

Little Pink Surfboard

Sunlight dances like ballerinas

Off the facets of the sea

The breeze blows salt crystals

Which play through your long hair

Leave your footprints behind

On this smooth, white sand beach

The sea calls for you

Slice through those endless waves

On your little pink surfboard

*I wrote this poem, and had this little pink surfboard with Shiloh's name handmade for my husband, Andreas, for Valentine's Day this year. When I was pregnant with Shiloh, Andreas became an avid surfer and constantly talked about how he wanted to buy Shi a little pink surfboard when she was born so that they could go surfing together. He still thinks and talks about it, and probably will for the rest of our lives. As much as I wish I could bring Shi back, I can't give him the real thing, so I gave him the next best thing. When we move into a bigger place, we're going to have a dedicated area for all things Shiloh, and this board will hang over her photos and other memorabilia.

Big sister

Things have been crazy around the Simon residence lately (for the obvious reasons!) and I feel like I haven't really and truly been able to dedicate time to my angel baby Shi and to thank her (and my dad) for this wonderful gift she's given us. 

I know you have watched, and continue to watch, so carefully over your little sister, Shi, and I feel so grateful to have your strong presence in this way, especially if I can't have you here on earth with me. You are so, so missed, as much as, or even more than (if that's possible!) the day we found out your heart no longer beat with mine. Know that you are talked about every single day. Know that you will continue to live on through not only me, daddy and other people's lives you've touched, but also through your little sister and all of your future siblings. Shalom will know exactly who you are, and she will know just how much you mean to us. She will know that her safe arrival was guided by the hands of her big sister and her grandpa. And she will celebrate your brief, but meaningful life, everyday, just as we do. 

We love you so much, Shi. Nobody will ever replace you or the immense love we feel for you. You are forever our first child, our exquisite angel. 

My loves

This says it all. I wish her big sis Shi were here to smile along with her. My beautiful daughters...

Likeness

Shalom is starting to open her eyes more frequently. She is so gorgeous. 

But, I can't get over the fact that Shalom is the spitting image of her big sister, Shiloh. The resemblance is uncanny. I love that every time I look at Shally, I also think of Shi.

Baby Shalom

Andreas and I are delighted to announce the safe arrival of Shiloh's baby sister

Shalom Eve Simon

November 7, 2010 at 6.36 pm

5 pounds, 3 ounces

18.5 inches long

Shalom was born prematurely at 35 weeks, 2 days due to low fluid levels. She currently resides in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit with minor respiration issues (due to prematurity), but we hope to bring her home by the end of next week.

Shalom (שָׁלוֹם)- a Hebrew word meaning peace, completeness, health, prosperity, and welfare, or safety of an individual. It encapsulates a reality and hope of wholeness for the individual.