Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Secret Garden- January

For the first meeting of the month we thought we would speak about the holiday season and how you coped. What was it like for you? Did you do anything special in your child's memory?

As we expected, the holidays were harder than any normal day. Dec 12-Jan 2nd is the time when families come together to celebrate each other, and of course, we weren't  able to do that. Shiloh is always in our hearts, but she isn't here with us. It wasn't our first holiday season without Shiloh (she was born in Oct 08), but it was the first time that we were able to not only mourn her loss, but to enjoy the time that we spent with her, to relish in her beauty, her perfection, and to feel grateful that we did have her, if only for a short time. It was also the first time that Andreas and I celebrated a holiday all our own- Chrismukkah/Weinukkah. We hung Shiloh's (and dad's!) photos and lots of angels, on our Weinukkah tree and hung up a baby stocking (with Hanukkah gelt) for her. My mom even got baby Shiloh a stuffed animal Hanukkah doggie (he wears a yarmulke and holds a dreidel in his paw!). We are just now really learning how to make Shiloh a part of our lives (albeit, not how we wanted), by occasionally putting aside our grief, and appreciating the gift she gave us- the gift of her brief presence.