Thursday, July 30, 2009


The days become more
The crying becomes less
It’s against my will
But I must confess

I fight for my pain
Yet it hurts me so
Not fully crying for my child
Is my lowest low

My head smarts
My face aches
My heart, already shattered
Continues to break

I can’t see through the hurt
Visions, thoughts, so foggy
My cyclical awakening
Forever opaque and groggy

Hour after hour, nothing new
My whole life- a groundhog day
Acceptance, spiritual transcendence
Have yet to come my way

Can I, will I, someday
Be able to accept this fate
Or will my distress, my emotions
Just simply abate?

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Scarlet Letter

('L' for Loss)

Day number 268
And still no change in the way I feel
Sorrow, numbness, anger, jealousy
Your loss is still so surreal

I feel like I’m going in circles
No end to a tragic start
Living in a shell of myself
Sustained by a broken heart

I may look normal on the outside
But this is just a mask
Inside I’m struggling for my life
Burdened so by this eternal task

And day after day it pains me
That people will not speak your name
Like they could hurt me any more
Their bliss-less ignorance, such a shame

I alone must live with your loss
For the rest of my life, however long
A scarlet letter burned into my chest
However hard, however wrong

But I tell myself over and over
Time will fade my deep scars
That I won’t recognize this profound pain
Described so adeptly in my memoir

Wishful thinking, I think this is
As I’ll always have this reminder
With this scarlet ‘L’ burned into my chest
The truth will never be the kinder