Six Long Months

This poem was written by a friend of mine, Allison Spangenberg, who lost her son Christian to an umbilical cord accident on Dec 18, 2008.

In her email she says, “It has almost been six long months since Christian passed away. I am very angry today, and I guess this poem comes from that place, as all of us mother's can understand the stupid things that people say, and I just needed to let it out in a constructive way, without committing homicide. LOL. I am just sick of it, that's all.”

I am posting this because, not only do I think the poem is beautiful, but I can also totally relate to it....

Six long months,
I am told to move on.
I am told to forget,
I am told to be strong.

I am grieving my child,
I am still at square one,
I am counting the days,
will this ever be done?

People forget,
and want to ignore,
they want to pretend
I don't have this chore.

I never wanted this life,
such pain I can't bear.
Life dealt me a hand,
without any care.

The burden is heavy,
I hope I can mend.
And time still ticks on,
It is not my friend.

I cannot resolve
the fact that you're gone.
This isn't the way,
life is so wrong.

I should be so lucky?
A mother to an angel?
Their stupid words,
I wish I could strangle!

Or life will go on,
you can always have more!
But what about the child
I love and adore?!

It wasn't meant to be,
or your child is in heaven,
or it happened for a reason,
at least he wasn't seven!...

People speak and say
the stupidest things.
That God had a plan,
that my angel grew wings.

How does this help
ease all my pain?
His life had a purpose
their words are insane.

Six long months
since you said goodbye.
I am still bereft,
why did you have to die?

No one understands,
our life- it crashes-
so lucky for them,
their rose colored glasses...

By: Allison S.- Christian's mommy
I love you baby boy.... kisses to the sky angel boy....

Seven Months

Seven long months have gone by
Since you’ve left me, I just cry
Your face so vivid- this will never change
Anything about you, I could never estrange
Thinking about you, now, I can have a bit of joy
But this joy is certainly no decoy
Because the pain is still so damn strong
Living without you will always be wrong
But I choose to carry on
With hopes of more children not forgone
I pray so very hard, day after day
For your siblings to come my way
So I can tell them all about you
Perfection, beauty, love- your virtues

Shiloh's Tattoo (Daddy)

This is Andreas’s tattoo- the tree of life- with 10 branches, 28 roots and 8 falling leaves to represent Shiloh’s birthday, 10/28/08.

Shiloh's Tattoo

So, the special significance of the forget-me-not flowers in the Mother’s Day bouquet Emily gave me, is because of my tattoo, or more rightly, Shiloh’s tattoo. Both Andreas and I got Shiloh memorial tattoos last Saturday (May 9), after 6 months of thinking about them. We wanted them to be extra special. So, I drew mine- a few stems with forget-me-not flowers on them. There are a few legends about what forget-me-not flowers represent, but the overall theme is pretty self explanatory- love and tragic fate- the epitome of Shiloh. We will never forget her. But there is more to it. I worked her birthdate, October, 28, 2008, or 10/28/08, into the drawing. There are 10 stems (or rudimentary stems), 28 petals (5 on each flower and 3 closed flowers with only one petal showing) and 8 flowers.

Andreas’s tattoo is the tree of life into which I worked 10 branches, 28 roots and 8 falling leaves. I will post a photo of his soon.

Mother's Day Flowers

My friend Emily gave me these flowers for Mother’s Day, from her garden. They are so pure and beautiful, just like little baby Shiloh. They also have very special significance because of the forget-me-not flowers (bottom photo). I’ll write again later to explain why...

Mother of an Angel Day

This is my first Mother’s Day
With no bubbly daughter to show
How wrong it feels with no earthly child
This, some may never know

But for those of you who can understand
My heart goes out to you
For we are the most unfortunate ones
With that, no one can argue

Yet mothers we are, nonetheless
We gave birth to a wonderfully perfect baby
They are with us in heart, in spirit
About this, there is no maybe

We love them dearly, forevermore
And no one can take this away
In saying this, I wish all you mommies
A bittersweet, Happy Mother’s Day

A Mother's Day Wish from Heaven

A poem sent to me from another mom of a heavenly baby:

Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she's cried.
I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way,
to remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored,
and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you'll do your best
I have done all I can do;
to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.

- Jody Seilheimer
Heartfelt Words by Jody
In Memory of Her Son, Cory
Friday, May 8, 2009